The The Peoples Republic of Florida is an anomaly---a slivver of web bandwidth neglected by its overseer and owner, a Denver entrepreneur who is doing more than he knows to make America a safeer, friendlier nation.
The Peoples Republic of Florida is a gossamer, a ghost, the figment of the largesse and heroic contribution of one owner/operator/patriot/privateer who has neglected to erase this bit of bandwidth from his obligations.
As such, it represents an illusory and entirely temporary take on America's most penis-shaped state. Like lowlands everywhere on this global warming planet, enjoy the ephemeral satire of this site, for it may disappear tomorrow, like a homeless man or an island in the Pacific.
If you'd like to learn more about this remarkable individual's work, visit SoapBlox.com.
Not long ago the people of Plant City, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, peace and tranquility throughout the land and engender for future generations a more generous gerrymandering of gentrification and all the gentle
(Cross-posted from DailyKos.com w/permission of the author---mad)
It's Saturday morning cartoon time. Angel Cruz, a Kissimmee man---Kissimmee is just south of Orlando---is launching 'The United States Private Dollar,' which he claims will rival the U.S. dollar. Now two Kissimmee organizations are under investigation for issuing "worthless checks" to employees who believed in their scheme.
Thursday evening, the nonprofit JC Consultores Laborales released a statement distancing itself from financial partner The United Cities Corp., which printed checks deemed fraudulent by a federal agency. The nonprofit used those checks to pay its workers.
In the statement, the nonprofit's president, Josefina Calderon, said she was "very concerned" about the lack of payment to several dozen employees for "not only the hours worked but the monthly expenses too."
This is a real story, in a real newspaper. These guys claim they have $300 million in paper on the streets now...
Miami-- Biscayne Bay condo developer Günter Gamal thinks he knows a solution for the hundreds of vacant highrise condos on the market: sell them to convicted sex offenders who can't live anywhere else.
"Florida communities are passing laws to restrict where convicted sex offenders may live," said Gamal. "We have thousands of convicted sex offenders in Florida, ipso facto, fish where there are fish," he explained.
Most of the vacant condos, priced from the $300's to more than $1 million, will have to be discounted, Gamal said. But that could be offset by subsidies. Convicted sex offenders in Florida earn substantially less than average incomes and may qualify for federal, state and local housing assistance.
"Highrise condo units can provide housing for convicted sex offenders that's at least 1,000 feet from any school bus stop, even when a stop's located right outside the front door of the building," Gamal chuckled. "It's a win-win situation."
Gamal said cost-of-living 'sticker shock' catches most convicted sex offenders by surprise.
"A normal middle-class life is almost impossible for a convicted sex offender, even wealthy ones," Gamal said. "If more preachers, teachers and over-reachers understood what a sex offense conviction does to their earning power, we might save even one victim from the pain and humility of their ordeal," he added.
Tallahassee, Florida-A Minneola Republican wants to move Florida's 2008 presidential primary date back to 1984 so we can nominate Ronald Reagan for president.
Minneola private property appraiser Paul M. Bagley, Jr., a one-time mayoral candidate, said his plan would establish Florida as the undisputed earliest primary state.
"It's hard to imagine New Hampshire trying to follow us back to the future," said Bagley. "What are they going to do, make it 1983?"
The names of author Toni Morrison, far left, and Tony Bennett would be approved under a new proposal, but actors Drew Barrymore and Drew Carey, right, would have a problem.
TALLAHASSEE, Florida- A Cross City citizens group hopes a new law might make parents think twice before saddling their infant with an inappropriate name that could prove burdensome later in life.
Gaylord Barr, president of Florida Families United for Common Sense (FFUCS), said highly unusual baby names are time bombs that will explode as a baby grows up. Names that incite ridicule can lower self-esteem and lead to bedwetting, bad grades and unwed pregnancies, Barr said.
"My mother named me after her great-grandfather, a Civil War hero," said Barr. "Even so, I've had some teasing."
Barr said the Millbrook family of Cross City named their daughter tragically. "They named their baby Sheezaneedamana, which they thought was a line from a Charles Bukowski poem," said Barr. "Were they surprised."
Last year the Pilatowski family of Tampa named their baby boy America the Conqueror. He was born July 4.
Barr said that under his group's proposal, common names such as John, Paul, George and even Ringo will be permissible, but many popular New Age names such as Moonbeam, Impeach Bush and Ho would require a special permit and parental counseling.
"We want to make sure parents know what they're getting into," Barr said.
Critics say Barr's plan to 'genderize' names such as Tony/Toni, Jean/Gene, and Drew is unconstitutional.
"This is one more thinly-disguised attempt to create class barriers by demonizing poor people and rewarding the rich," said Chris Webber, executive director of the Marxist Institute, a conservative think tank based in Bonita Springs.
Barr said Webber is wrong on both counts.
"First of all, what's wrong with demonizing poor people? Especially ones who saddle their children with inappropriate names," Barr said. "Constitution or not, I wouldn't want to be a boy named Toni or a girl with any name that rhymes with skeezer or ends in the letter o," said Barr.
Barr's son, W.S. "Sandy" Barr, is the well-known Cross City accident attorney.
The activist who was arrested last month for feeding the homeless in Lake Eola Park pleaded not guilty at his arraignment today. Eric Montanez, 21, is the first person to be arrested under Orlando's controversial ordinance that bans feeding large groups of people in downtown parks without a special permit. (Sarah Lundy of the Sentinel staff contributed to this report)
The Sentinel online solicits reader comments that are are searchable, and Topix.net, a sort of super-aggregator, posts them long after Hunt's story has been relegated to the Sentinel's $2-per-peek 'archive.'
Thanks to Topix.net, three months from now you'll be able to Google the words, "Jaun Santiago, Tallahassee Fl," and come up with "Jaun's" noble contribution to the Sentinel story:
People like him always think they are smarter than those who actually have to deal with the homeless. I agree with "Sick of it", take the bums home and shelter them and see what pains in the **** they are. Many choose to be homeless. They don't want to work because they are better off NOT paying for insurance, NOT paying taxes, NOT paying for shelter or medical care. By being indigent it's all FREE.
You don't know the half of it, "Jaun." At the dumpster behind the Publix grocery store on E. Colonial Dr. on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, it's free and all-you-can-eat.
The Official Travel Agency of the Peoples Republic of Florida offers a three-day, two-night "Orlando Homeless Adventure" package that's been a big hit with convention delegates.
It's a 'spouse program.' While they're wheeling and dealing on the trade show floor, their spouses get a real sense of what life might be like without ceaselessly boring conventions and trade shows. And at $32 per person including meals, it's a lot cheaper than turning a significant other loose in Orlando with the family credit card (lots of topless bars around here).
Bees in Florida are dying. Fast, and by the millions. Same in California, and in Europe. Some scientists think the culprit is a Southeast Asian parasite---the varroa mite---that arrived in Florida in 1986 and spread throughout the U.S.
That's a varroa mite on the left, photo courtesy U.S.D.A.
The varroa is a real vampire. It attaches itself to a honey bee and slowly sucks out its internal fluids. There is no cure. And it's not over quickly either.
Reporter Susan Salisbury of the Palm Beach Post:
"It's the biggest crisis that has ever faced the U.S. beekeeping industry," said Laurence Cutts of Chipley, president of the Florida State Beekeepers Association and a retired apiary inspector with the state Department of Agriculture.
Half the bees in the U.S. have disappared over the past six months. Is this the rapture? Did God look at Florida and decide bees are the only creatures worth beaming up?
Or is it a plot? A nefarious Dr. No who aims to decimate food production in the western hemisphere and substantially increase the profitability of Southeast Asian agriculture?
Already they're selling mango tortes at my corner Starbucks, shipped frozen from Pennsylvania.
I'm ahead of the game. I planted a mango tree in my yard, and rows of bok choi beneath the okra plants.
Miami-- Biscayne Bay condo developer Günter Gamal thinks he knows a solution for the hundreds of vacant highrise condos on the market: sell them to convicted sex offenders who can't live anywhere else.
Tallahassee, Florida-A Minneola Republican wants to move Florida's 2008 presidential primary date back to 1984 so we can nominate Ronald Reagan for president. 
The names of author Toni Morrison, far left, and Tony Bennett would be approved under a new proposal, but actors Drew Barrymore and Drew Carey, right, would have a problem.
